kepada insan yang rasa dirinya terasa

its been a year since the last time i saw you.main reason aku ingat kali terakhir aku jumpa ko sebab lepas tu you didnt really matter.this time month i was busy worrying about my fate.fast forward twelve months later.i get so sick whenever i read your whtever and this i choose to just so i have something to think about.hah.im the one whos disgusting then.i wonder whats on your mind.ive been blessed with the rediscovery of some old friends and shedding some deadweight (in certain friends) and got closer to certain acquaintances.wasnt easy.especially having to deal with being myself.i hate people thinking i want my way all the time when im the one who gives in the most.i learnt patience and tolerance most these past few months actually.give me some credit. how can we judge people when we hate people judging us?i hope one day we can realise that when theres nobody else left to blame.we know its our reflection we see in the people we despise so much.maybe thats it.i wish i could forgive and forget so easily.how some people accused me of certain things which are totally untrue and how i keep reminding myself that god has other plans for them and that i shouldnt decide on how to deal with it.no.im not crying victim here.im just reminiscing.how can our paths not cross anymore when we chose for it to be the same path for as long as we were to live?how can you say you can forgive but you cannot forget when i thought we are doing ok. never had i wished for bad intent nor have i asked for my things back.i keep telling myself and almost everybody around me that we are always in debt.kita akan tetap selalu berhutang.we owe our mothers.thats one thing.we owe god.we owe the bus driver.we owe the postman.we owe the person who opened the door.we owe each other too much already.think about it people.what is it that we are truly asking for?and why do we keep not learning our lessons that it wasnt meant for us to take in the first place?i guess you dont understand my situation because you come and go so quickly these days. i think that you owe me an explanation.if youre going to sit around and tell me that i should chill and that things will be okay again.while not a single advise goes into mind about how i should handle it.then i think i need to get a new mindset.i dont need you telling me to chill.i chilled too much.i am practically an emotional freezer.i keep letting people service themselves on my ice and never will anybody fill it back again.even if they know its for their own use. i hope you understand why im mad at you.i hope you wont take it too personal but i think we have some issues we need straightening out and i hope you will be man about it and be able to talk to me about it.ive grown up quite a bit for this to take place.do call me once you feel like theres enough chilling. why have girlfriend when you have a rocking group of friends!! i love my friend!!(without S!) ah what the hell. i hate relationships somehow. so unnecessary lah. i mean, i think i’ll only get into a relationship with my wife huahaha. but really, wat for? might as well have a lot of fun with friends. furthermore i’m soooo young (is it?!). i can do so many stupid things. you can be yourself, unlike standing infront of your crush, you’ll have to be at your best. it’s your friends who saw you during your bad hair days, your mood-swings, your anger, your everything. you can’t talk about crappy stupid lame things with your gf, you can’t discuss about hot chicks with your gf, you can’t tell your gf about your crushes. wait. you can’t have crushes when in a relationship. huahahah. as much as people deny that they don’t care about their partner having crushes on others, i am soooo very sure somehow you people are bound to be jealous. don’t lie to urself eh. i myself would be so furious tau! what a liar! huahaha. by the way, imagine me saying this eh "i have 24 gfs". huahaha. carik pasal betol syahrir. yours truly, not entirely victimized but would like to do something about it anyway